one year ago I thought I’d die. It had been almost two days since my water broke, two weeks before your due date, I had been in inducted labour for almost 24 hours, I had been moved from the oh so natural birth house to the oh so hated hospital – and still you didn’t seem to get out.
I was absolutely desperate at that very moment, starting to give up on myself, as my body appeared to be incapable to birth you. I have no idea how it eventually happened, with a lot of help of the doctors and midwives and two of the dearest people in my life, and a miraculous well of strength in absolutely despaired exhaustion.
But suddenly, you were there, like you had always been. You were perfect, you were healthy, and you were mine. For minutes, you looked at me like a wise, old man, as if you already knew it all, like you had already lived.
The past 365 days have been the most beautiful and the most exhausting of my life. I have learned to value time in a way I could never imagine before. I have grown quite a few grey hairs. I have never slept so little, I have never been so tired, ever before. Never in my life have joy and desperation been so close together. I have never been so proud of something I have accomplished as of you.
You are one year old today. You are the happiest baby I know. You are lively and social, you smile all day, you flirt with strangers on the street, you scream of joy and you have a very dirty laugh. You are shameless and demanding, you know exactly what you want and you are very skilled in getting there, no matter how. You steal hearts all the time. You give wet kisses to everyone you get a hold of. You have inspired friends and strangers to make babies. You tickle smiles out of miserable people. You can never sit still, wiggling and jiggling around. You have the most beautiful, (still!) toothless smile. You love dancing and you use everything as a phone. You are about to take your first shaky steps, to form your first proper words and truly start exploring the world around you. You drive me crazy. You make me proud. I love you so.
Happy Birthday, Mini-Me.
All photos: Carolin Weinkopf